Being the Ethical Bystander – What You Can Do to Be the Good Guy

Have you ever seen someone being bullied or somebody getting hurt in a fight?

Have you ever seen someone really drunk at a party or a girl getting unwanted attention from someone who won’t take the hint?

What did you do when you saw it?

Did you just mind your own business because someone else will stop and help, right?

What if everyone thought like that?

Will someone get involved before it’s too late?

People have this terrible habit of not wanting to get involved. There could be a load of reasons for this. Some people might feel awkward, worry they’ll make the situation worse, be concerned for their own safety or reputation, or just be super busy.

Whatever the situation might be, there’s always something you can do to help. Not convinced? Read on.

Ethical Bystanders are…

“What even IS an Ethical Bystander?”

An Ethical Bystander is someone who witnesses a situation where someone is being bullied or hurt and instead of ignoring it like a doofus, they do something about it. They do the RIGHT thing which is acting ‘ethically’. You see?

Stuff that Ethical Bystanders Do

“OK so how do I become an Ethical Bystander?”.

There are a load of ways that you can be an Ethical Bystander and the way you act will depend on the situation. So, when you see someone being or about to be bullied, abused or hurt, ask yourself some questions… (It’s best to do this internally or else you might look like a bit of a weirdo).

Click on the questions below to expand the section.

Who is around?

Take a step back from the situation and do a little analysis. Are there any people standing around? Are they aware of what is going on too? Are there any adults around? Is anyone else at risk of getting hurt?

Does anyone have a weapon/something they could hurt me or someone else with?

Even if you can’t see a weapon, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t one. For all you know, you could step in there, like some sort of hero, shouting “HEY YOU… YEAH YOU” just as the person to your right pulls out a knife on you. Then you’re in a sticky situation. One sticky situation that you don’t want to be in.

Am I at risk of getting hurt here?

Please see above. Besides the potential of getting knifed, if there is more than one bully/offender/perpetrator in the mix, you are outnumbered and in just as much of a sticky situation.

So, if you can, try to get a friend or even better, an adult, to approach the situation with you but remember, violence is never the answer. If you’re intending to go in there, all guns blazing, challenging people to fight you and come out the bigger person, think again. Not only will you be at risk of getting a thump, you will also get yourself into serious trouble and unfortunately the original wrong-doer will probably get away with it.

Now, if you have successfully assessed the situation and you decide you aren’t able to get involved yourself then it’s time to walk away and decide how you are going to deal with the incident and who you are going to report this to…

Who do I need to tell about this?

There is some detective work to be done here too as the person you need to tell will depend on what exactly is going down.

In school – If someone is getting hurt or bullied at school, whether it’s emotional bullying or if it’s violent, you report it to a teacher. If you are meant to report these incidents to a specific teacher but actually you really dislike that teacher, then go and find one you like or dislike less. Either way, the school needs to know.

Out of school – You need to be the judge in this situation and figure out your best possible move. If someone is at risk of getting seriously hurt, they’re in immediate danger, you call the police. You don’t have to do that right in front of the person’s face. It’s probably best to go out of sight and make the call or tell someone else who can do that for you. If it’s not as urgent, you can tell a responsible adult. This could be your Mum, Dad, Aunt, Grandpa, an adult you trust or the nice man who works in the shop down the road.

Evidence

This is full-on detective work now. Evidence is key because it will help your case when you tell someone about it. If you’re reporting bullying to a teacher at school and the bully says, “what a load of baloney”. It’s your word against there’s so get some evidence. It doesn’t mean you have to go full on PC Plod though with a notebook in hand wherever you go. Evidence could be:

witnesses to vouch for you
a picture
messages
a picture of the incident etc.

The more you have the quicker it’ll get sorted. Remember though, this will depend on the situation. For incidents of bullying you’re more likely to be able to get hold of lots of evidence. For a one-off incident in the park, you will just need to ensure that you give as much detail as you can about what happened, what you saw, who was involved and what you did to help.

I’ve assessed the situation and I think I can get involved

Great! That’s awesome. There are loads of ways you might be able to help. Here’s one scenario.

A girl is drunk at a party. She’s had so much to drink that she’s now on the floor, probably passed out. Someone steps in, gently puts her on her side, in the recovery position. BAM. The Ethical Bystander strikes again.

It seems simple but just moving that person is helping that girl, maybe even saving her life. Putting her on her side means that if she vomited, the sick wouldn’t choke her to death. If that person wanted to be even more helpful, they might also call her parents or ask her friends to take her home.

The best Ethical Bystanders are super friendly and supportive people. You know how superman goes jumping off buildings to save people and then has a little chat with them after to see if they’re alright and maybe even flies them back home? That’s him getting some extra EB points (that’s Ethical Bystander points).

You can do this by just looking out for that person in school. You could have a chat with them and if you’re feeling super EB, you could befriend them. Invite them to join you at lunch or something.

Spread the Word

So now you know. Being an Ethical Bystander can be a big act or gesture or it can be something really simple. Just make sure you aren’t the Unethical Bystander. No one likes him.

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